you try so hard to be (emo)tional

its tuesday

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 04:29:01 GMT

so i hope everyones break was good, mine was really great which i guess is part of the reason coming back here seemed so dismal. i really miss home sometimes. not enough to move back or not want to be here completely, just enough to have a pit in my stomach when i think about my family. i dont really know what my deal is. this is my second year, im used to this and im used to not having my family here. i dont know what it is, maybe that ive had a new roommate every term. who really knows, but i keep getting really upset when i think about my mom. i miss her alot. i feel like she has no one at home that really understands her and i wish i could be that person. and i feel so selfish being here on their money complaining. i mean how many people get to go to a great school and love it? my mind keeps going so fast and all i want to do is sleep. this term is going to be really difficult. i can tell already i wont like many of my classes and ill have to work really hard. i just want it to be over and its just barely started. i want to go home and sit in my tv room in the back of the house, on the comfy brown couch and watch sex and city with my mom while eating cabury eggs. that is perfect.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 04:18:07 GMT

dotted eye's making holes in the skies
winter kiss licking my lips
and i somehow fell into the way
the hair falls in your eyes
the angle of your neck
and sucked into...
your fingertips slide down my face
and all these thoughts i've defined in you.

i think this is beautiful.

how is your bleeding heart?

Sun, 06 Feb 2005 22:07:18 GMT

so...ive been thinking alot lately and i feel like right now in most of our lives, love seems to be one of the most important topics of conversation and importance. this is very understandable, but it also upsets me in a small way because why do have to define our worth and amount of attractiveness by what the opposite sex thinks of us. no matter what anyone says your friends can tell you how amazing and beautiful you are, but if a guy says something like that it takes on a whole new meaning. sometimes i think people take break ups harder then they take losing a friend. why is this? what happened to bros over hoes? arent your friends the ones who matter most, and when they tell you that you are fabulous, why is it hard to believe them. i know there are some people who give fake compliments but if the person saying it is a true friend then the compliment is most likely from the heart. and to be honest i think most of the compliments guys give are from their pants. i know how amazing is it to have someone, and how difficult it is to be alone, because i now feel its ten times harder being alone after having someone so special. but its like finding someone to be with is crucial. we are young! most of us are barely 20 and there are people worried about being alone. i want to shake them and say relationships are so much work. ITS LIKE HAVING A JOB. and granted you get sexual favors from this job once in a while. but why do we have to tie ourselves down and worry our butts off about getting with someone, finding a guy/girl to fulfill our us. i believe that most of my friends have the capability to be fulfilled without someone. personally i know that being with a guy only adds extra things to worry about. and yes i would like someone but why care. why put energy into caring about something that i know will change sooner or later. the only way id get someone right now is if i turned into a slut/started working the corners. and i think if anyone actually reads this and knows me thats not going to happen. things always work out, and more importantly they are always changing. who knows who you will meet tommorow. last night at the party the cute emo boy was there, and i told vanessa (reginas suitemate) and she said to me "so are you going to do anything about it?". i was impressed. its a good lesson too. take chances when you want to and dont worry about yesterday or tommorow. have fun with the people who love you. and one day there will be someone to go home to. but for now, play twister at 4 in the moring and drink cheap beer with your favorite people.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 00:48:42 GMT

i really miss home.

i can almost see my breath

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 01:19:01 GMT

sooo final are almost over. which is ok. i am sad because my roomie christie is leaving. i am sad because she was one of my first friends at drexel and because i love her. its going to be lonely without her next term. i kinda wish i was staying later here to enjoy relaxation with everyone because it has been crazy lately with all the work. but no i must exit drexel tommorow night in reginas volvo and brave the new jersey turnpike. regina dosent want to let me go to the rest stops but thats too bad. i am also making a cd for the drive that shes going to like says me, no matter how much acoustic is on it. the rest stops on the turnpike rule. the weirdest people and most awesome stuff. hah. i am only writing in this because i dont want to study for physics, thats how lame i can be. i dont even have any delicious food to snack on. well besides vodka and my box of wine. yeaaa. anyway home will be cool. im going to many shows while home including the much awaited mcr/armor for sleep ness that will be the highlight of my life. haha oh man. and i leave you with insight from napolean dynamite
"girls only like guys with skills, nun chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills..."

a star up in the sky

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 18:55:35 GMT

i have to say theres nothing like driving through philly late at night in a mustang, listening to loud hip hop with the heat on and the windows open.

fabulous evening last night, the show was excellent in addition to the massive amount of cute hardcore boys doing their hardcore dancing. hardcore dancing makes me swoon haha. me and regina are going to learn and become pros. "holla". i love hawthorne heights. i got an awesome t-shirt. its yellow and i look like a bumble bee. and i got pins too. sweet. a static lullaby was very impressive. and they chug yuengling.

tommorow going home. and i have a train buddy! its going to be an awesome week. me and my mom are in the macys parade again. we are on the barney float! HAHA. yes excellent everyone should watch me and barney. i hope its not too cold. anyway time to pack and do laundry. but i hope everyone has an excellent t-giving. eat lots of pumpkin pie with cool whip because pie is the shit. <3

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 19:30:54 GMT

"The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things bother you."

i dont think that could be any more true

word up

hey man!

Sun, 07 Nov 2004 03:00:51 GMT

sometimes i wish people would just relax
save the drama for your mama

please dont tell me this has been in vain

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 17:59:08 GMT

so i havent really updated too much so ill try a little more. ummm tuesday was my birthday and it was amazing. i swear i have the best friends in the universe. my roomies decorated the commmon room all pretty with pictures of my favorite bands and a cool star poster. and they gave me what else but stuff from urban hehe. it was awesome. and meg, she was so great and made the day so special. thanks guys so much for being so awesome it really made everything so much better. and dinner rocked, not too mention the free chocolate cake. i got a new phone too so now people can actually call me and i can talk back to them. score. another important topic is the new jimmy eat world cd. it is UNBELIEVEABLE. if you have not heard i suggest you leave where ever you are right now and find someone that does. because it is fantastically amazing. yes. last night sarah m. had a party which was pretty fun, we took lots of tequila shots and it was a good time. meg puked a little but that was pretty much everyone last night. lots of projectile vomit. oh well. before the puke it was very good times. and today we are making jello shots for joes party tonight and im excited for that, we got 4 different flavors. so everyone must come try one of my jello shots. oh yes we got written up on sunday too, i forgot to mention that haha. it sucked cause my fam came to see me on sunday and we all went out to dinner and it was so much fun then we got a little rowdy and now we are bad alcoholics that are in violation of the alcohol policy. oh well. that was a run on sentence. thats what you get for blasting modest mouse and yelling about beer pong on a sunday haha. we rule.

yay!

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 04:04:48 GMT

its my birthday!!!!!!!!! yay!

just when i thought i had forgotten...

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 20:27:41 GMT

im bored so i thought i would do a little update...classes are going well, i actually really enjoy design even though its lots of work and very time consuming. its nice to actually have a direction and all. the only thing that kinda gets me is how everyone around me seems to be so confused. people wanting to tranfer and switch majors theres so much indecision. and although that is what young people are supposed to be like, it still makes me sad that everyone is so stressed/confused about life and everything. i just wanna be like everything will work out in the end, it always does right? but i hope these people find something that they like. ahh whatever i dont make any sense. im hungry but i have to wait for meg to finish getting her hair done so we can have dinner together. i also have to get a new phone because after last weeks accidental toilet incident my phone is a little more ghetto/messed up. but its all good. regina gave me an awesome bday present, i cant wait for my fam to come on sunday and we are getting a kitchen table (aka beer pong table) from my mom. score! and they are taking me out to dinner mmm tasty food.

turkey taco is alliteration

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 02:42:09 GMT

http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/theteapotiscracked.html

haha this made me laugh alot

with every passing moment....

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 03:42:20 GMT

so hey whats up? classes have started and i already can tell that being in design is going to be hard work and like nothing else i have ever had to do before. but its exciting and i have some awesome people in my classes. but i must stay dropping lots of money at the art store was not much of an enjoyable experience, not to mention it was monsooning at the time. so yea it was a little bit of a challenge. i had a great first weekend here so that was pretty nice and im even more excited for this weekend. and in two weeks its my birthday! and my family is coming to see me. i cant wait to show them the apartment cause it kicks ass and our common room rules. and of course kara is coming that weekend too. i miss kara alot and itll be nice doing our stupid impersonations of the snl skits all the time haha. i must say theres no one else in the world that i can do that with. and good shows are coming up too! yes! ahh i must read before bed so. peace out. oh and congrats marge! you rock!

under white lights you lay

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 01:27:06 GMT

so after a little bit of homesickness after night one i think im starting to adjust to my new surroundings. still havent seen many of the people that i want too but im sure that will come sooner or later. it was amazing to see marge and meg last night, i have missed them alot and it felt great to have good true friends around me. things are looking better i just hope that i start sleeping better. my stripey comforter rocks so that might help, not too mention my kick ass pirate pillow. anyway people come by and see me! North hall, E210 our room rules.

ouch

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 03:10:14 GMT

finally heading back to school yet i feel like im in the same place i was last year. excited yet conflicted, and all in one week. why does my heart always steer me wrong...and give me this achy feeling in my stomach

love is the red of the rose on your coffin door

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 16:41:31 GMT

"I'm not much a poet, but a criminal
And you never had a chance
Love it, or leave it, you can't understand
A pretty face, but you do so carry on

...I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe"

are you ashamed to say what you want to

Tue, 07 Sep 2004 16:30:43 GMT

so the pool closed yesterday. it was a pretty big deal to me considering i am not coming back next year. i felt really old though man, it was werid to be the oldest one there. everyone was talking about school today and i was like haha, no school for me cause im old. but anyway it was a nice goodbye to 5 summers at the vcp. and we got free subs and ice cream cake which rules. and regina came to visit me there for my last hour before closing, that was really nice of her. i had a great weekend with kara too it sucked when she had to go back, but im visiting her at bloomsberg on friday. and that will be fuuun. even though im missing my parents adult party on sat night. so i wont be able to party with all the adults in my town while they get wasted. haha. good times.

the warmth of the sand

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 01:08:17 GMT

i hate my j-o-b. i am the only college kid left leaving me having to deal with the fact that we dont have anyone to work. and get this on thursday, im the only person who can work for the first few hours! ha. one lifeguard on the whole giant pool. awesome. anyway enough complaining as im sure no one wants to hear about how much the vcp sucks at life. i miss kara alot. a real lot. the pool isent the same without her, not to mention i havent had sushi or bagelwich since she left. so sad not having our daily food runs. ahh i guess once the pool closes things will be different, i just cant wait for that day...<3

how has your heart been broken

Sun, 22 Aug 2004 01:50:54 GMT

i just made guac (aka gucamole) for the first time. we are having a bbq tommorow for my bro's birthday. everyone better enjoy my guac because it was annoying to make. i never knew avocados could be so messy and green. anyway today it rained (yay!) so i got off work for half of the day. so me and kara went to the used book store in montclair and i got some new books then we tried going to this record store but it said it was closed due to illness. very dissapointing. then i got two new pairs of jeans from pacsun. score! i decided im going to start using exclamation points more in life. because they are fun! ive been working alot lately, but you know that happens. but on the good side i get to see early november in 2 weeks! oh yea and i got a haircut, its different, but i like it. everyone is starting to leave for school now, kinda makes me miss good old drexel u. i got the most awesome belt buckle down the shore. and we went to a japenese place for food one night and got hibachi! it was awesome. so anyway the craziest thing happened the other night. we went to my boss's house for margeritas and for her b-day and this is not the crazy part. what we did after is. kara was going out with her friends and her friends are the "cool" people in high school. you know the ones who dont talk to you and act like they are the most awesome. so kara really wanted me to go and at first i was like no way man they dont want me there. but somehow she got me to go and i partyed with the people i graduated with and that would never even talk to me in hs. it was so crazy. the people that said to kara why are you friends with her and the people that judged me so quickly. it was crazy to me and something i thought would never happen. and you know what later they told kara i was alot cooler then they thought. its so sad that people are so quick to make decisions about people that havent bothered to get to know. im just glad that i was confident enough to put it right back in their faces. haha. i win. <3

ever so sweet

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 13:42:19 GMT

so im down the shore at kara's brother's apartment and i had to get up way to early to make my schedule and now i cant go back to bed. in good news im taking some cool classes like photopraphy and art history (with meg!) so im happy about what im taking. well except for physics but im going to try and get out that if i can. anyway kara and i got our tragus' pierced yesterday and im very glad i went through with it. it actually didnt hurt too bad despite the awful rumors i have heard. and it looks really cool, i have to say i am very proud of myself for going through with it, because it would have been very easy to wimp out. im reading a new book, the perks of being a wallflower and i really like it. its funny how this 15 year old kid that writes the book is so easy to relate to for anyone reading it. its like everyone has those same feelings at some time or another and its so good i cant seem to put it down. i didnt even care that i couldnt fall back to sleep after making my schedule because i could just read. kara's brother has really cute cats, they purr so much. i have never seen cats that purr this much. i like them. and their purring. anyway this will be my last weekend of me time because from now on ill be working 6 days a week until labor day when the pool closes. and even though i think i will miss working at the pool every summer im glad this is my last time because that place and its ridiculous politics are really starting to get to me. thank god i have kara there to keep me sane haha. i miss my drexel friends alot, i wanna go visit christie really bad too but im so busy with work and other stuff all the time i dont know when im going to get to go. hopefully once the pool closes i will be able to go and see good old bridgewater and christie pants. i think we are going to go shopping today which is good i wanna get my bro a really good b-day present cause his birthday is on monday, im thinking a cd. he needs to start listening to better music, tool just isent cutting it anymore if you ask me. but he does like the new tbs so thats a start right? my eyes are starting to hurt so im going to go. oh yea and i get to see the early november in 2 weeks! hope everyone is doing well. <3

stabbing sheep

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 02:33:42 GMT

so went to warped tour on sat at randalls island and it was pretty rad. got to see sugarcult, motion city soundtrack, flogging molly, taking back sunday, the bouncing souls, thursday and some others. it was a great time especially with karastar. got some new shirts and really awesome pins. and we helped boo sell cds for a vagrant and did an awesome job at it. we rule. unfortunatly the evil warped tour workers held us captive in the parking lot for a hour while i had to pee so that was not too cool. but once we got out we managed to find our way to back to nj pretty good and grabbed some tasty disco fries from 6 brothers on the ride back. it was really fun and although i am sooo sore today from having crowdsurfing jerks fall on my face it was all worth it. cause i am so tough. hehe <3

i said im going to have myself in shambles

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 01:57:06 GMT

i love ocean beach, and i miss it more than ever. what a fun week can i even say. drink drank drunk seemed to be the motto of the week and i followed suit. we met some amazing new friends from PA which me and tray intend to go visit at the end of august hehe! im excited for some funnnnnnn. it was a great time all in all, although there was some rain i managed to use the time for some quality napping and yummy tasty food eating. not to mention kara taught me how to make the most amazing dip mmmmmm... and i the final total for the week:
4 bottles of tequila
2 bottles of triple sec
2 bottles of vodka
6 cases of beer

holla! we are super drinkers and i must say my beer pong skills have improved so much i wish there was some sort or beer pong olympics i could play in. me and karastar kicked major ass. i miss it alot but my liver is pretty angry with me. oh well it happens to the best of us right? oh yea and everyone should listen to the new taking back sunday cd its fantastic amazingly great. <3

i think somebody loved me once but i cannot remember

Tue, 13 Jul 2004 01:19:08 GMT

so much has been going on at times it feels like im going to look back on this summer and wonder where it went. what sucks is that i cant wait for the end of the day when work is over but with the end of each day the end of summer is closer and closer. which is sad, yes i miss school and love it, but this is my LAST summer. that is crazy. im sad about it ending but the pool is like a big jail of doom haha dooooom. anyway i miss people from school alot but i feel like i have finally found out who my true friends from home are which is a great feeling. and i get to go to school with my favorite regina in the world! yay! i looooove regina pants.
on another topic, i have decided that boys are no longer worth any effort because as happy as they can make me they can just as easily make me feel like shit. so whats the point really? i might as well stay in neutral. all the stuff i went through this years proves to me i was better off alone. cause not many people are there for the long run. not to mention boys and girls cannot be friends. when harry met sally was the first to prove it and it will always be that way. anyway i have been enjoying my summer to the max. alot of it with kara too. and i <3 her alot. even if her friends say im not cool enough to be tight with her she tells them to suck it and thats all that matters.
oh yea and t-pot (you are my hero). im so glad you finally put it to him and stood up for yourself.
girls night last night was awesome. parfait and school of rock = good times.

<3

ha

Sun, 04 Jul 2004 03:39:38 GMT

so i wrote this whole entry a few days ago describing how amazing the dashboard show was last weekend but then my crappy computer crashed so yea. but the show was really great and to any dashboard haters all i can say is it was truly unbelieveable and it felt like he sang every song with everything he had...it was great and i had no voice when it was all over. it was so great to be there with kara, marge and regina too considering they are some of my most favorite people in the universe. good times. anyway ive been working alot leaving me pretty exhausted. working ten hours in the sun makes me crazy tired but i need the money so whtever. anyway i gotta go get my bro from the airport so bye!

or maybe your werent trying hard enough

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 01:00:20 GMT

im all painty...we are finally painting my kitchen. its going to be green my favorite color. been working alot doing normal stufff. went to reginas graduation last night it was happy hehe. im so proud of her and everything she has accomplished. the truth is shes too smart to be going to drexel (not saying us drexel kids are dumb or anything) but it makes me smile just thinking about the ridiculous amount of fun we will have next year. (yay!).
regina is my hero.
it was quite a nostalgic week for me. went to the shore with olga and being at the jersey shore was very reminiscent of last summer (a very different time). took olga to a wawa for the first time. we got a sub or as those strange south jersey kids call it a "hoagie". WERID. it was very yummy though.
then the graduation was hard to believe. all i kept thinking was "that was me a year ago". right there in those exact bleachers on that exact day wearing the same oversized white gown and white cap that itched my head in the 95 degree weather.
whoa.
but it was nice to be there anyway. and we went to fridays after and ate good food and it was funnn. not to mention kates friend payed for our dinners which rocked considering i have no money. so now i can get a t-shirt at the show tommorow. (yay!).
going to the shore with kara tommorow then to the show-ness. holla. and i get to see marge. holla again.
i should shower i smell like pool and paint.
not really a good combo. i talked to a friend about important stuff and i feel better now (thank you). (i worry alot esp. about people who are important).
well i think ill go now. bye!